Memories
by destructivedoll
Summary: Just a slight Royai... may be added on to.
1. Chapter 1:: Memories

Memories

Disclaimer:…I don't own Full Metal Alchemist -bawls-

The war… every time my thoughts approach the subject it physically pains me. _Their _haunted expressions, twisted in pain or death… it haunts my ever thought. Their terrified screams and wailing cry still echo in my mind, especially in the silence. Everything about the war from the coppery smell of blood mixing with the comforting smell of gunpowder to the feeling of the sand in my uniform and the blood stains my skin, I was never sure if it was mine, the Ishbalians or my comrades who I'd hold as they passed. All this plagues me, my thoughts and even my escape, the dreams that once held child like innocence are transformed into twisted nightmares of blood and genocide.

Those are the things I can't tell to the physiatrist who I am supposed to visit. Those are the things I want to tell to my _taisa_ when he asks what's wrong. I am sure he knows though, he can recognize the look I get, he often has the look as well. But I don't tell him, I don't even tell Black Hayate my memories of the war, the nightmares that haunt me both during the day and the night. I wouldn't tell the Colonel as well because he has his own problems, he would blame himself for dragging me into the war. I followed him silently even from the time when my father was his teacher. Quite honestly he was one of my first true friends.

He remembers all to well as well, I can see it in his eyes when he feels particularly pathetic. He hides behind a happy, womanizer facade just as I hide behind my emotionless, serious façade. But he gets his moments when he gazes off into the distance, remembering those who have died for him, and who he has had to kill. I suppose I do too, but that's why I focus on the present and future, to escape those painful memories of the past. But I know he knows what I am thinking, his small real smile comforts me, lets me know that the future will be okay, and someday the past sins will be forgotten…

[End…for now]

A/N: I may add on to this one…


	2. Chapter 2:: Rain

Memories

Disclaimer:: I do not own FMA.

Warning:: Spoiler Alert for Manga Chapters 100+

Rain

Blind.

Blind.

Blind.

He's blind, sightless… he most likely will never see again, never again. Never see his dreams for the place he loves realized. Never see the faces of his subordinates smiling at him in the office, never see another page of the paperwork he so despised. Never see the pretty girls he flirts with on the streets.

And despite that it is technically his burden and despite that he would rather bear that burden on his own than make me suffer it along side of him; I feel sorrow, deep sorrow that is absolutely painful. It hurts more than the wound the crazed doctor placed upon me earlier in a futile attempt to persuade the Colonel to do something he once swore he'd never do. And despite the fact, they did something to him.

Something… something that has taken away one of the most important things to him, his sight. Confusion and agony wage a silent war within me, what will happen now? Can he continue to use his alchemy… will he ever be able to use his alchemy again, rather, if not what will happen to him. I want to believe that he's strong enough to handle this situation, but I acknowledge that my Colonel is just a man, no matter how strong he is or even seems, in the end he is a man, and every man has their breaking point. And I have always found it amazing that he has not reached it yet, he's faced a war that made murders into hero's, the death of his closest comrade, the near fatal injury of a subordinate, then the removal of his subordinates…

He's faced more than a man should ever have to face in his life time… I fear what the loss of his sight, and potentially his dream, will do to him. But I know one thing… no matter what happens, I will support him, I will do what ever it takes to help him and allow him to continue on. I will protect him, and there has never been any doubt about that, no matter what the situation.

Seeing him crouched on the ground, white gloves stained with blood raised to his eyes, hands holding his face. He was in shock, I couldn't blame him, I was in shock, it took everything I had not to throw myself toward him to protect him, cradle him, comfort him… Well honestly, it didn't take everything I had, I had little at that point, since I, myself, was being held up by one of the young alchemists chimera friends. I didn't want to cry, though my heart ached for me to cry for what the man I cherished so deeply had lost, and he had certainly lost a great deal. What would it mean if I, the ever solid rock for him to count on broke down too? It terrified me… to see him like that, weakened, lost… and broken?

How much could one man take before he reached his breaking point?

Had my Colonel finally hit the breaking point?

And if so… would he ever come back from this?

Could he?

The feeling of something warm and wet sliding down my cheek brings me out of this state of shock. Raising a shaking hand from my side to my cheek, I brush away the wetness, astonished to find not blood but tears are rolling down my cheeks. But instead of trying to stop myself from crying, I let the tears simply roll down silently, masking them with my long hair which has fallen down from it's clip ages ago. And if anyone notices, it is doubtful that they will say anything, out of fear perhaps, or maybe simply respect. And if anyone does ask?

….

I think I'll tell them it's raining…


End file.
